What to do when you don't know what to do

So, it's four o'clock.  Supper is soon.  No meat was extracted from the deep freeze for this meal that has clearly snuck up on you, out of nowhere.  Kids are home from school.  Chaos, not cuisine, is reigning supreme at your home(quick name that FoodNetwork show!).  What to do, what to do.

Do this.

Make a quiche.

Yikes!  Sounds scary!  How ever will I pull it off?  Where will I find the ingredients?  Isn't that a fancy shmancy French dish? What is the meaning to life?

Enough already.  Here we have life's problems solved with pie plate and a box of eggs.  Or, at least a really good start on it.

Remember the perfect pie crust?  Well, here is a perfectly good use for it.

Take your basic pie plate.  Anyone will do.  This little number is a honeymoon gift from Goose to me.  It came with four matching mini-pie plates.  Not that you actually need that information.  Nor do you need to know that we honeymooned 10 minutes down the road from where we now live.  True story.  Not a word of a lie.

ANYWAYS

Roll out your pie crust and fill your pie plate.  I love this particular pie plate because the edges are already fluted, thus giving the illusion that I actually know how to do something like that.

Then pop it back in the fridge to keep it cool  No need to cover it, it won't be in there that long.

OK, OK, if you don't have pie crust on hand (who are you?  Do I know you?) go ahead and use a frozen one.  I won't tell.

Fry up some bacon.  Here's an old family secret:  bake, don't fry.  Technically, it will be baking in its own grease, which probably means its still frying, but whatever. 

Second family secret: line it up on a foil covered rimmed baking sheet.  Clean up will be a breeze and the bacon pieces will come out nice and straight and even.  I bake at 350-400F until desired doneness.  My mother broils.  Depends on how much of a hurry you are in.  I like the baking method, as I like crisper bacon.

See - like this.  All crisp and beautiful

This makes it a snap to use later for sandwiches and general gnashing.  It also makes it much easier to chop up, if your recipe requires.  This will keep in your fridge a considerable length of time.  As in, a week or more.  Not that it ever lasts that long around here.

So, you take some eggs.  For a deep dish pie plate like the one I used, I'd suggest something in the neighbourhood of half a dozen eggs.  Finely chop up some onion and toss it in there.

Next comes some grated cheese.  The sharper the better.  Again, it's to taste, but I'd recommend something in the 3/4 cup range.

Next - zee seeecret ingreediant! Salsa!  If you have a juicy salsa, I'd recommend draining it.  Too  much moisture just doesn't work here.  I'd say about 1/2 to a full cup.  Crumble in as much bacon as you'd like.

**Helpful hint - you can also use the pre-cooked, pre-crumbled bacon, but I don't find it has quite as much flavour.  Or, if you need to make it for those vegetarian weirdos, omit it all together.

Next, give it a good wisk about.  A wisk really is the weapon of choice here.  We are dealing with eggs after all.  Then add some milk, enough to reasonably fill the pie plate you are working with.  For me, that was up to the 6 cup mark.

Then, pop it into your chilled pie crust.  Note that the quiche mixture doesn't go all the way to the top of the pie plate.  Egg pouf and need room to work.  And hey, nobody likes to be crowded in a hot space.  Just leads to bad endings.

Then, pop it in the oven at 350 F for at least an hour.  It is done when it not longer violently jiggles in the middle and begins to crack around the outside edges.  Don't worry if you stick your knife in the middle and it is still a little juicy looking in the middle. The eggs will continue to cook after they are out of the oven.

Then - let it sit.  Five to ten minutes.  Don't tend it or you will end up with soggy crust.  You will also note that my crust shrank here.  I did not chill my pie crust - a big no no.  Sorry Martha.

Then slice into that baby.  This one was cut a little too warm and the filling didn't have time to entirely set up.

This is a little better.  Serve with a dollop of nice, cool sour cream and a side salad.  Shazam! Dinner is served!

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What to do when you don't know what to do

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Perfect Pie Pastry

Heck, use it for whatever you want, really.

As soon as she was legally able (and possibly before), my mother passed off the pastry making duties in our home.  She started out subtly, and eventually it just became my job.  You know how it goes "But honey, you make pastry sooo much better than I do!"  And there you are, sucked in.

At any rate, making good pastry has never seemed like a mystery to me.  I will not pretend to compete with French pastry chefs, but then again, I can make a pie, including the pastry and filling, from scratch, and not need to buy anything more exotic than lard.

If you follow a few simple steps, there's nothin' to it.

This is the recipe we use.  By 'we', I mean every woman in my family.  Bar none.  Don't ask us who Margaret is, we don't know.  Probably a neighbour at some point.  But we don't care.

This recipe is a little different from most in that it makes a quantity of pie crust (as we referred to it) and it uses milk.

Here's all you need to make it.  Don't forget the vinegar.  Yes, I said vinegar.

This is one egg in a one cup measuring cup.  Beat the egg up a little bit with a fork.  Then add enough milk to make one cup of liquid.

The vinegar coagulates the milk and you get this nifty clumping thing going on.  Don't worry.  It's supposed to do that.


From here, add four cups of all purpose flour, the baking powder, and the salt, into a mixer.

Back in the old days, I didn't have a mixer.  I had to do this by hand.  With a pastry cutter.  Don't know what one of those is?  What has this generation come to. My, my, my...

Next, bring out the lard.  Now here's the important part.  Use cold fat.  Vegetable shortening can be used, but it must be cold.

Next, slice it both lengthwise and widthwise.  This will give you the right size pieces to drop in the mixer.  Flour will fly.  Wear your apron.  Don't be a wuss.

Let it mix, on stir or a low speed, until you get a crumbly mixture.  Don't over mix.  Some bits will be bigger than others, but no huge glumps, please.  They are unsightly

Then slowly pour in the milk mixture, with the mixer running. 

Don't pour the milk mixer with the mixture running.  That could get messy.  And weird.

It will be sloshy.  It's OK.  It's supposed to do that.

Keep your mixer running and steadily add more flour, until the entire thing comes together in a ball.  Keep an eye on it.  It will happen fast.

Ta da!  Presto!  Turn off the mixer.  Quickly.  When you pull up the kneading hook, most of the dough should fall off.

Scrape the dough together, gently, and get it into a bag that you can close tightly around the ball.

Don't over squish the ball, the dough will get tough.

I don't recommend a zip top bag - I don't find they wrap around the dough close enough.

I don't like plastic wrap - I can just never seem to get it to work without making a mess in my fridge.

I usually do use an old bread bag.  See?  I am all about the environment.

Keep it in the fridge and use it chilled.

When you go to roll it out, let it sit 5-10 minutes and flour your surface and rolling pin well.

And most of all, don't worry if you don't turn out the perfect pie crust the first few hundred times you try.  I promise you, no one has ever eaten bad pie.

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Perfect Pie Pastry

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A Hundred Uses for Pastry

Pastry, even the world's best pastry, will only last so long in the fridge.  Eventually, one must bring oneself to part with the temptation of flaky, crumbly, melt in your mouth deliciousness.  More pie?  Not always the answer, my dear friend.

These are Oma's Leftover cookies.  Great-oma, as you may have guessed, was Dutch.  And not terribly well off.  And had a small brood of children to raise.  Even if she had been well to do, her wooden shoes would have surely overridden any flirtations with frivolity.

This is her method for using up pastry scraps.  I can hardly imagine there were many scraps, but what there was, she used.  I say it's a method, rather than a recipe, since no one has ever seen this really written down.  In fact, today may be the first time in our family's history it has been done.

Great-Oma's Leftover Cookies

Roll out pastry into a rectangle.  Spread liberally with butter.  Cover completely with brown sugar and sprinkle with cinnamon.  Roll into a tube.  If the tube appears to be getting to thick (more than four or five full turns) cut the rectangle lengthwise and use two rolls.  Cut into 1/2" wide pieces and set on cookie tray.  Bake at 350 F until done.

This is the delicious result

Don't worry if a few fall over.  They will be equally edible.  Of course, to keep up appearances, you may want to taste test those 'seconds'

I'd love to tell you how long they will keep.  Around here, it's only a few hours.  My best guess would be a few days.  Let me know how they work out at your house. 1. 2.

A Hundred Uses for Pastry

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